Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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