It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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