By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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