It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
