You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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