So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
