a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
