An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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