I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
