She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Houston, we have a blender
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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