if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
