We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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