Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
