I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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