So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ladies don't puke and tell
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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