I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
