I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
