my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
