Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
