Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
