I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
