yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
