It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
