Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
