im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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