so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
