The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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