Are we in a gay sports bar?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
