i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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