I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
