somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
