halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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