Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
