i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
