You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
