VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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