I bet he comes in French.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
