You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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