could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
