i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
