wrigley field is MILF paradise
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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