our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
