I feel like abortions should bother me more
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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