Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
