he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
