i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
