I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
