Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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