I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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