Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
